Born, Raised, & Burped Blog - Page 2 of 33

September 13, 2024

Procrastination: Why Do We Do It and How Can We Overcome It?

Procrastination has been on my mind a lot lately—ironically because I’ve been procrastinating on this very blog post. Funny how that works, right? I went down the rabbit hole of quotes, memes, and research about how people with ADHD often use procrastination as a way to process and handle things. I read that it can also be a trauma response or a form of emotional avoidance. If you’re neurodivergent, there are a number of reasons why you might be prone to procrastination—and many of them are intertwined.

So, why am I procrastinating? Why can’t I focus and get things done?

I have a Google Drive full of half-started thoughts, ideas, and passages. I’ve thought through and imagined so many articles I want to write, talks I want to give… yet, I can’t seem to sit down and finish my to-do list.

Some days, I chalk it up to “analysis paralysis.” There’s so much swirling around in my brain that I freeze. Other days, it’s because being a single mom is a lot, and my “mom hat” takes priority over everything else. But really, I think the worst part is that nagging feeling of guilt—constantly feeling like I should be doing something else, something more. Then, I beat myself up, and the cycle repeats.

And let’s be real for a second: We shouldn’t “should” on ourselves.
(Can we make that a thing?)

A saying I came across years ago has stuck with me: “When we live in the past, we are depressed. When we live in the future, we are anxious. But in the present, we find peace.” I’ve seen this attributed to Lao Tzu, and it hits home because, when I’m stuck procrastinating, I’m either ruminating on past failures or panicking about the future.

In these moments, I usually cue my internal pep talk to reframe:
Be kind to yourself. Take a breath. You can. You are. You will.

It sounds simple, but it works. When I remind myself to be present and focus on what I can control, I’m usually able to kick into gear and tackle whatever project I’ve been avoiding. (Those with ADHD often call this their “Hyper-focus Super Power.”)

But lately, when I hit a snag—when I run into the tasks I’ve been procrastinating on for too long—I shut down again.

Does this sound familiar?

Recently, I’ve started questioning why I’m stressed. Is it the pivots in my career and overthinking the decisions I’ve made? Raising teenage girls? Or maybe it’s wondering if anyone even reads this blog? (If you’re reading this, hey!) And how many of you are feeling the same way? Maybe we’re not all going through the same experiences, but those feelings of overwhelm, guilt, and avoidance? Yeah, we share those.

Friends, procrastination isn’t just about being lazy or disorganized. Research shows that it’s often tied to negative emotions like fear of failure, anxiety, or perfectionism. For people with ADHD, procrastination is also linked to executive dysfunction, meaning it’s not about not wanting to do something—it’s about struggling to get started or manage the task. Trauma responses can also play a role, as our brains may avoid tasks that remind us of past stress or overwhelm.

So, what can we do about it? Here are some tips that help me (when I’m not procrastinating, that is):

Break it down: If a task feels too big, it probably is. Break it into smaller, more manageable steps. Ask yourself: What can I do to start?
Set a timer: There’s something magical about setting a timer for 10 or 15 minutes. You’d be amazed at how much you can accomplish in a short burst of focused work.
Reframe your mindset: When you’re dreading a task, reframe it as an opportunity instead of a chore. What can you gain by finishing it? How will that make you feel?
Reward yourself: Sometimes, the promise of a little treat (coffee break, anyone?) is all the motivation you need.
Be present: This is key. When you’re caught up in procrastination, it’s usually because you’re worrying about the past or the future. Focus on the now.

Procrastination might be a tough habit to break, but it’s not impossible. And remember, we’re all in this together. So, let’s stop “shoulding” on ourselves and start making progress—one step at a time.

Perspective, after all, is everything. But we’ll save that for another post.

XOXO,

August 19, 2024

From Barricades to Boundaries

Think back to when you were 4-6 years old. Remember that fearless feeling? There was no glass ceiling on what you could do. Your dreams felt endless, and possibilities were infinite.

From a young age, my mom instilled in me an inner confidence, constantly reminding me that I could achieve anything I set my mind to. But like many, I wasn’t immune to the “mean girls” phenomenon. The first time it happened was in 5th grade. My mom planned to take me and a friend to see The Nutcracker for my birthday—I was sooo excited! Forty-five minutes before we were supposed to leave, my friend called to say she was sick. A few days later, I found out she’d just wanted to go swimming at another friend’s house. Ouch.

In middle school, it happened again. I invited a friend for a sleepover, and she called crying, claiming her parents grounded her. The next week, I discovered she really just wanted to go to a football game with a more popular girl. Double ouch.

These experiences, and more, left me questioning my worth, a feeling that carried over throughout my life and caused me to build my barricades. You know, those emotional walls we construct to keep out the bad stuff. The problem? Those walls also keep out the good stuff. As adults, it’s easy to lose that sense of boundless opportunity. The feeling of being fearless. Instead of setting healthy boundaries, we build barricades. And let’s be real—those barricades can be a hot mess.

But I have good news: We can break free from those self-imposed limitations. We can learn to set boundaries that protect our energy and focus, rather than barricades that shut us off from the world.

What Are Boundaries, Really?

The most authentic and successful people have some of the clearest boundaries. Both for their personal relationships, and professional ones. Boundaries are not about shutting people out; they’re about creating a clear line that says, “This is where I end and you begin.” These boundaries are aligned with your core values and reflect self-respect. It’s self-love—a discipline reflected by your choices, and something we must practice daily.

You’ve heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” When you work from home, especially with kids, setting boundaries is crucial to protect your well-being. Without clear boundaries, work can bleed into your personal life, leaving you drained and ineffective in both areas. Self-love is about prioritizing what matters. It’s about taking time for yourself, giving yourself grace, and respecting your boundaries.

Learning the Hard Way

I learned this the hard way. As a mom and a businesswoman, there’s a constant tug-of-war between professional commitments and personal responsibilities. I used to think I had to be available to everyone all the time—to my clients, my team, my family. But all that led to was burnout (the first time, anyway—spoiler alert: burnout doesn’t just happen once!). It wasn’t until I started setting firm boundaries that I found a sense of balance and fulfillment. I realized that saying “no” to certain things allowed me to say “yes” to what truly mattered.

Let me give you an example. There was a time when I would take business calls at all hours of the day, even during dinner with my family. I felt obligated to be available 24/7 because I feared missing out on opportunities. But then I noticed the impact it had on my kids. They started to see my phone as more important than our time together. That was a wake-up call.

I decided to set a boundary: no business calls during family meals, and I established office hours. At first, it was hard—I felt anxious about what I might be missing. But over time, I realized that the world didn’t end because I wasn’t available every second. It’s liberating not to be glued to your phone.

And guess what? My business didn’t suffer; it thrived. I was more focused and present when I was working. My relationships with my kids strengthened. They saw that they were my priority and that what interested them mattered. We still sit down for family game nights and meals without technology to talk about our days, what goals they have, and what they’re working on that current week. Honestly, it’s the best thing I ever did.

The Difference Between Boundaries and Barricades

While boundaries are empowering, barricades are a different story. Since barricades are born from fear, they’re brittle and reactive, prone to shattering because they aren’t aligned with your core values. They’re built on what you think others perceive rather than your truth.

I’ve put up my share of barricades. After divorce and toxic friendships, I was terrified of being hurt again, so I put up walls. I numbed and distanced myself from friends and family. I didn’t want to be vulnerable. I convinced myself that I was protecting my heart. Fun fact about me: If you didn’t know, I am a feeler. I give with all I have and wear it for all to see.

But in reality, I was isolating myself out of fear. Those barricades didn’t serve me—they only deepened my loneliness and insecurity. I had to start breaking down the root of those barricades and set healthy boundaries instead. I learned to be honest about my needs and to communicate them to myself and others. I stopped letting fear dictate my actions and started living in alignment with my values and the life I wanted to lead.

Breaking Down the Barricades

It’s time to break free. Boundaries create space for growth, self-care, and healthy relationships. They allow you to operate from a place of confidence and authenticity. In contrast, barricades keep you trapped in a cycle of fear, preventing you from reaching your full potential.

Take a moment to reflect on your own life. Where have you set boundaries that support your well-being? And where might you have built barricades out of fear? Challenge yourself to tear down those barricades and replace them with boundaries that empower you.

Remember, it’s not about shutting the world out—it’s about creating a life that aligns with your values and allows you to thrive. You deserve to live fully, fearlessly, and freely. So let’s start setting those boundaries and tearing down those barricades, one choice at a time.

XOXO,

August 9, 2024

Working H.A.R.D.

“Success in business requires training, discipline, and hard work. But if you’re not frightened by these things, the opportunities are just as great today as they ever were.”

What Does It Mean to Work H.A.R.D.?

Success in any field is not a matter of luck or chance—it’s a result of working H.A.R.D. The acronym H.A.R.D. stands for Hungry, Active in your pursuit, Routine/Systems, and Demonstrate how much you CARE. Each of these elements is a critical piece of the puzzle that, when put together, can lead you to achieve the success you desire. Let’s break down what it truly means to work H.A.R.D.

H – Hungry

Do you really want it? Hunger is the driving force behind every successful individual. But it’s not just about wanting success; it’s about knowing **what** you want and **why** you want it. This clarity of purpose is what fuels your motivation and keeps you going, even when the going gets tough.

You often hear the phrase “Hustle Hard,” and it’s true—when you treat your goals like a job and put in the necessary work, the results will follow. But it’s deeper than just hustling. It’s about taking personal responsibility for your success. No one else can make you successful; it’s entirely up to you. Ask yourself: What am I hungry for? What drives me to wake up every morning and pursue my dreams? When you identify this, you’ve taken the first step toward achieving it.

A – Active in Your Pursuit

Success doesn’t come to those who wait; it comes to those who actively pursue it. Being **Active** means showing up every day, putting in the work, and doing the things others won’t do so that tomorrow, you can enjoy the rewards they won’t have.

Jerry Rice, the legendary football player, once said, “Today, do the things others won’t do; so tomorrow you can do the things they can’t do.” This speaks to the importance of consistent effort. The more you put in, the more you’ll get out. Hard work leads to personal development. The more you push yourself, the better you get, and with that comes increased confidence. Being active isn’t just about physical activity; it’s about mental and emotional engagement with your goals. It’s about commitment.

R – Routine / Systems

Success doesn’t happen by accident. It’s the result of consistent, deliberate actions. This is where **Routine** and **Systems** come into play. Establishing routines and systems is like creating a roadmap to success. It’s what allows you to stay on track, even when life gets chaotic.

You’ve probably heard the phrase “work smarter, not harder.” This is exactly what routines and systems allow you to do. They help you manage your time and energy efficiently, ensuring that you’re always moving closer to your goals. While balance might be a myth, systems can help you juggle the various demands of life and work. By creating a routine that supports your goals and using systems to streamline your efforts, you can make steady progress without burning out.

D – Demonstrate How Much You CARE

At the heart of hard work is **Caring**—about your work, your goals, and the people around you. When you care, you put in the extra effort, you go the extra mile, and you push yourself beyond what’s comfortable.

“Care about what you do. If you care a little, you’ll be an OK performer. If you care a lot, you’ll become an outstanding performer.” It takes courage to care deeply because when you do, you put yourself on the line. You give your best, and giving your best can be scary because it exposes you to the possibility of failure. But when you care deeply, even if you fail, you can find solace in the fact that you gave it your all.

In Tupperware, we have a saying: “Never Walk Alone.” This is another way of demonstrating care—by supporting others in their journey. When you show that you care, not just about your own success but also about the success of those around you, you create a positive, supportive environment that lifts everyone up.

Working H.A.R.D. is more than just a mantra; it’s a way of life. It’s about being Hungry for success, Active in your pursuit, establishing a Routine and using Systems to stay on track, and most importantly, Demonstrating how much you CARE. When you work H.A.R.D., you’re not just working towards success; you’re building a foundation that will sustain you through any challenge.

Remember, success requires training, discipline, and hard work. If you’re not frightened by these things, then the opportunities before you are as great as they ever were. Keep learning, keep growing, and keep caring. The journey may be tough, but the rewards are worth it.

XOXO,